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It has to be said that those lucky few who team up with a like…minded partner； go on to have the best of all relations； whether a fling or a lifetime mitment： an equal match of balance and respect； of shared pleasure and mutual enjoyment。
So – all aspiring liberated young women： Be very careful in your choice of mate； even for a one…night stand。
In one of our great Victorian novels I read the following pronounce…ment： ‘The terrible curse of being poor is that we cannot afford to protect our women。’
In the old days； rich ladies never moved without an escort； while the women of the poor were sent into the world little more than children； vulnerable； exposed； fair game to anyone。
When I grew up； my mother told me it was unseemly for young girls to go about alone at night or travel without an older panion。
I scoffed at such ridiculous conventions designed to keep demure young ladies in control。 I was a child of the late twentieth century； intending to suit myself。 See the world； go where I pleased； at any hour I fancied。
I can recall the thrill of freedom hitching a lift down the German motorway； solitary strolls through Paris’ Latin Quarter in the early hours of the morning； illuminated baroque churches in Rome； splendid in the dead of night。 Though once in London’s Soho I got lost。 A real thug helped me to a taxi； saying I wasn’t safe there on my own。
In newspapers we read reports of women missing； raped or murdered； having mistakenly believed they were safe。 The truth is； we are still as vulnerable unprotected。 It’s not just old…fashioned prejudice that es in the way of our freedom。 And not just fear of misbehaviour that makes our loved ones want to shelter us。
Gender 性别（3）
I know now that I was incredibly lucky。 Some women weren’t。 To them； and their families； the danger became real。
Even in our enlightened days； the saying goes that women give sex for love； while men give love for ； who specialised in entering the homes of attractive； successful single women as they slept。
Once awake； they were subjected to a terrifying ordeal of reassur…ance； tenderness； affection。 In the end he gently coaxed them into bed： no sign of force or violence。 Indeed； he did his best to satisfy them； a few even asked him to e back。
Eventually found out； he went on trial accused of countless serial rapes。 The prosecution had a hard time getting victims to testify。 They were so deeply ashamed – not of having been raped； but of having offered no resistance。
The defence claimed all encounters had been consensual。 His only crime was that of entering people’s homes。 The man himself said it was never his intention to hurt anyone。 He just wished to introduce these lonesome women to the nature of true love。 The only way to open up their hearts of steel was by catching them off guard。 One day they’d thank him for easing off their armour of cold self…sufficiency。
The victim impact reports were decisive。 His actions obviously left them with a trauma as bad as the most vicious； violent attacks。
He was given a long prison sentence。 And a whole female popul…ation breathed a sigh of relief。
Women said to marry well often marry badly。 I pity any bride who receives congratulations on having captured an eligible man。 For this implies that she has somehow got more than she deserves； that her groom had been expected to attract something better。
Whether it is looks； age； wealth or education； background； status or any other mundane criteria； by which the world measures human value； the message es across clearly： she is lucky； he is not。
It doesn’t augur well for the woman’s future。 She’ll be conde…mned to a life…long struggle trying to prove them all wrong： showing her husband’s family and friends that he didn’t make a mistake in choosing her。
The battle is hard to win； for no amount of hard work； self…sacrifice or moral rectitude will ever change the facts of her beginnings； gain her the esteem initially denied her。
She will always have difficulty asserting herself； even within her own family。 Children detect such weakness and are quick to take advantage； which will further undermine her。 Think of any spoilt； indulged or unruly children you know。 Aren’t they usually the product of a mother unsure of her role in the home？
It’s interesting how this trap； in which so many women are caught； does not seem to swallow up men。
All one can say is： No woman should be allowed to marry； before she knows her own full worth。
On television I saw a program about zebras。 Apparently； within a large herd； the males look after their families。 Each one has a few females and foals； for whom he is responsible。
He leads them； drives them and directs them； shelters and protects them； seeks out water and new pastures； takes the front…line in face of any danger。
It struck me that； not so long ago； such was the role of males in our society。 Men were figures of authority： instructors； guardians； providers – at home if nowhere else。
Now with women’s independence； patriarchs are dying out。 Instead we have two partners sharing the load。 Much more satisfactory – for the women。 And； I suppose； some men。
But what about all those males； shy； insecure； uncertain of their masculinity； who； unsupported by their culture； fail to make the grade？ Self…assured girls pick their mates with cruel distinction： usually favouring those strong； able and aggressive。
Think of all the myriad single mothers： for each one there is a man who in days gone by would have been the head of her household。 Where are all these obsolete men？ What bees of them？ Are they gay？ Lonely？ Desperate？ Part of suicide statistics？
Somewhere in the course of evolution a human strand has been lost and a pool of victims created。
Intimacy 亲密（1）
当一个男人和一个女人互相吸引，这种吸引——不管是激情迸发、迅速碰撞，渐入佳境或暗藏已久，还是反反复复，直到热情燃尽——我认为多是性欲使然。
一见钟情的说法是很吸引人的，但实际上并无此事。爱情，只能发生在欲望和需求被满足、心愿被达成以后。
性是一种本能，是占有和支配，是一种被认为是一旦释放便十分危险的力量。由于我们无法得知它会把我们带到哪儿，因此需要极其小心地对待。
而爱，从来就不是一种威胁。它是深思熟虑后的选择，是对过错的包容，是把对方的利益置于自己利益之上而心甘情愿的选择。
如果性的本质是自我表现，爱则正好相反——它是对自我的持续征服，是对人本性的强有力的挑战。
我们爱的能力总是受到各种检验和挑战，当遭遇障碍时就需要彼此的沟通。倘若能够成功攻克，则会让彼此更投入、更紧密。
缺少爱的关系，不管它是多么地充满激情，都是无法存活的。没有了爱，我们甚至会摔倒在第一道围墙前。
20世纪60年代的性解放倡导者都怀有一个崇高的目标——将人类从古老而平淡的道德桎梏中解放出来，脱离各种宗教谴责、禁忌、愧疚和羞耻之心。
爱情和亲密则被定义为人类生来就有的权利，是混合着肉欲快感的一种健康而自然的表达方式。
孤独被认为是一去不复返的东西，似乎所有人都应该得到身体上的和精神上的满足而不要害怕拒绝。
这些人道主义者万万没有想到的是，不久以后，他们这些主张就被现代商业利益劫持了，用来不顾一切地谋取粗俗的财务利润。
今天，性成了压倒一切的营销工具。社会上的所有人，无一例外地都被四面八方而来的这种观念包围着，甚至连孩子也未能幸免。这让人们总是有种错觉，似乎只有性才是你来到这个世界上的唯一目的。
当人们将无心的酒后纵情和野鸳鸯偷情视作真实、正常的时候，当人们忍受着不断增长的性暴力和疾病所带来的恶果时，当有太多的孩子原本就不该来到这个世界上受虐待时，人们如何才能抵挡这种冲击和洗脑呢？
让我们与亲密说再见，去拥抱孤独。
那是一个将结婚视作两个人唯一有理由生活在一起，或者说睡在一起的时代。你甚至没有问为什么便走向了婚姻的殿堂。（除非是奉子成婚。）
或者，你是在指望婚姻带给你一些好处：个人的、社会的或物质的。对于那些脆弱和缺乏安全感的人来讲，结婚提供了一个安全的港口——由配偶带来的一个全新的身份。
不用说，这样的婚姻不会自此相安无事。没有人能够确定对方的动机是什么。在发生冲突时，一方很有可能会说：“跟你结婚我算错了，不是因为我爱你，这不是我自己的意愿！”
现如今，没有了来自社会的压力和不良的动机，你可能会问：人们为什么还要结婚呢？
我无法想象出一个好的原因，除了，或许可以说是一个你想向世界展示自己所属的简单愿望驱动了你结婚的念头；也或许是因为你想到了没有人在身旁陪伴的惨淡未来；或许是一个你希望陪在你爱的人身旁的真挚念头；也可能是你希望把自己的一生献给你的爱人……
如果你是因为上面的念头选择婚姻，那它将再好不过了。但是，天啊，这的确需要勇气。任何得到它的人，我会脱帽向你致敬：恭喜你！
在伦敦读书的时候，我跟一个穆斯林的女孩儿一起住。她的妈妈——一个不算老的女人——来看她的时候从头到脚都盖着黑布，只露出双眼。她很骄傲地告诉我，这源于一个12年前对死去丈夫许下的庄严誓言：别的男人再不会看到她美丽的面容了。
拥有同样信念的是我认识的一位西方女人。她的大半生都是在死去的丈夫的照片和遗物的包围中度过的，她热切地悼念着她与丈夫的爱，不让任何其他男人有接近她的机会。
另一个带着小孩的寡妇嫁给了一个听不得她前夫名字的男人。任何属于她前夫的东西都被扔掉了。他对孩子说：“那个男人已经死了，现在我是你的父亲。”
还曾有一个康涅马拉（Connemara）的工人，他边给我的厨房贴砖边跟我聊天。他顺便提起了他的妻子——一个曾是带着两个孩子的寡妇，也很友好地提到了妻子的前夫。
“你认识他？”我问道，他摇摇头说：“我们从没见过，但是我有种感觉，他依然在我们身边，从远处看着我们。”他笑着，继续说，“然后我对他说，别担心，吉米，我会为你照顾