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father to make small talk。
？Tell me； son； are you looking forward to Yale？？ The Captain reached up and loosened his tie
even more as he spoke； finally pulling it from around his neck and dropping it on the desk； where
it lay like a puddle of blue silk。 So that was it。 The Captain had no clue that Coach hadn？t granted
Nate his diploma and that there was no way Yale would take him。
？Yeah；？ Nate answered； letting out some of the breath he？d been holding。 ？Um； I think so。？ His
father didn？t know。 But how long could he keep it from him？
As if reading Nate？s mind； the Captain sat forward in his chair； a fierce look in his green
eyes。 ？Youthink so？？ Uh…oh。
His father sat back in his chair and waved one hand in the air。 ？Let？s stop all the pussyfooting
around？we？ve got some important things to discuss。？ Nate？s heart sank in his chest。 He dragged a
scuffed Stan Smith tennis sneaker back and forth across the Oriental rug； knowing whatthat meant。
He squirmed in his chair； wishing that he was just about anyplace else？but most of all that he was
out on the water； with the waves lapping against the sides of the boat。 He braced himself； waiting
nervously for his father to speak。
？I？ve heard from Coach Michaels； and I know exactly what？s going on。？ Captain Archibald？s
voice was neutral but firm； and Nate began shifting nervously again in his chair。 Whenever his dad
adopted this tone of voice； it meant that he？d decided something with plete finality？usually
something that Nate didn？t want to do。 ？And this time； I？m not bailing you out。You？ll repeat
senior year at St。 Jude？s。 End of story。？ Nate stared at him； openmouthed。 He？d never really
considered that not getting his diploma would mean he？d actually have torepeat senior year。
Maybe take a year off； do some ？munity service？ building outhouses on a beach in Costa Rica
or something； but another year of high school？ Taking the same boring classes； doing the same
boring things； while his friends were all off at college； having fun without him？
Next stop： total humiliation。
His father took a slow； deliberate sip of scotch； and Nate could hear the frosty sound of ice cubes
rattling against the crystal。 He fingered the stubbed…out joint that remained in his pocket； wishing
he could pull it out and light up right there。 He？d promised Blair that he wasn？t going to smoke so
much anymore？she didn？t think it was mature； or collegiate； or whatever？but this was an
emergency。 He had to calm down。 Then maybe he could think。
Ornot think。
His father swallowed and set his tumbler down on the armrest of his chair。 ？And there？s
something else。？ Something else？ What other torture could his father possibly inflict on him？
What could be worse than not graduating with the rest of his friends？ Military school？ Reform
school？Prison？
Nope； repeating senior year would be far more humiliating and way less exciting。
The Captain？s face was so somber that Nate had to lower his eyes to his father？s nautical…striped
dress shirt in order to keep from pletely panicking。 Once a year his mother ordered a plete
custom…made wardrobe from one of the exclusive men？s boutiques on Jermyn Street in
London？new suits； ties； and dress shirts？all fitted to the Captain？s proportions。
？I want you to meet my friend； Captain Chips White；？ his father continued。 ？I obviously haven？t
gotten through to you； but if anyone can； it？s my old navy mentor。？ Nate slunk down further in his
chair。 Not only did he have to get chewed out by his father； but this scary Captain Chips guy his
dad was always going on about would be in on his demise too？ Chips would probably use some
archaic navy torture technique to teach him a lesson？hold him underwater until he nearly drowned；
or take him sailing； cut off his nuts； and then throw him overboard to swim back to Manhattan
through the polluted Hudson。 Nate would probably grow an extra arm or a tumor on his back； and
he？d go from being happy…go…lucky； easygoing Archibald to a hunchbacked； three…armed；
no…balled freak。 Blair would be all over him then。
Captain Archibald raised his glass with a smug smirk； and Nate felt his chin begin to quiver as he
gripped the roach in his pocket。
Prison？s not looking so bad now； is it？
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ABC Amber LIT Converter v2。02
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Disclaimer： All the real names of places； people； and events have been altered or abbreviated to
protect the innocent。 Namely； me。
hey people！
The days until we leave for college are tick； tick； ticking away； and our mailboxes are piling up
with college orientation packets。 You might be tempted to actually read those flashy booklets sent
by your school in their collegiate colors； but really？get…to…know…you camping trips？
Meet…and…greet on…campus sessions？ Let me tell you； there？s no better way to be labeled a dork
than to fall for that one。 Do you really want to get introduced to that lax hottie down the hall with
leaves in your hair and bear poo smeared all over your
never…before…worn…and…never…to…be…worn…again North Face hiking boots？ Honestly。 Trust falls are
for losers without trust funds。 You？ve just got to trust me on this one！
So here？s my question； people： why can？t the deans figure out a way to make college orientation
not a repeat of fifth…grade summer camp？ As usual； it？s up to me to show those stuffy academic
types the way。
suggestions for making college orientation fun instead of unbearably loserish
（1） Bonding activities。Ban all camping trips； sightseeing tours； or campus scavenger
hunts。Nobody wants to be dragged around a muddy forest； sit in a stale…smelling tour bus all day；
or check retardedly obscure objects off a list as part of a ？bonding experience。？ If there？s one
thing we know how to do； it？s bond。 Just lead us to an open bar and leave us to our own devices。
（2） Age limits。Any freshmen wele event that involves adults？read： deans； RAs； and other
people who will soon be responsible for getting us in trouble？is a total killjoy。 IDs should be
checked at the door； and anyoneover the age of twenty…one should not be wele！
（3） No more nametags。They ruin every well…planned outfit and practicallyinvite skeezy losers to
stare at your chest。 If you？re cute； I？ll tell you my name before you even ask。
While the college deans may not know how to throw a wele party； Manhattan girls sure
know how to throwgoodbye parties。 I？m so tired from last night？s festivities that if I don？t eat my
morning H&H bagel （toasted； please； with extra butter） soon； I may just pass out on my keyboard。
Too many vodka gimlets； too many floral…patterned silk wrap dresses from Biba and Diane von
Furstenberg； and too many cute boys wearing yummy； sherbet…colored polo shirts。 If there really
can be too many。 But the soiree all over the gossip airwaves is a goodbye blowout planned at the
Met next week。 What better place to saybon voyage than at one of Manhattan？s most timeless and
exclusive venues？ One thing？s for sure： when that night finally rolls around； we？ll all be looking
like works of art。
your e…mail
A：Dear GG；
I was walking past the boat pond in Central Park on Friday night when I sawN sitting on a bench
smoking a doobie；alone ； looking all worried about something。 Does this mean that he andB could
be over？
？Giddily Hopeful
A：Dear GH；
The yumminess ofN is totally undeniable； but unfortunately for all of us； I don？t see him
breaking free fromB ？s siren song anytime soon。 Look on the bright side？the city is positively
crawling with sweaty； practically half…naked boys in need of a nice cool soak down。 Remember；
friends don？t let friends shower alone； especially during a heat wave。 Conserve water？it？s all
about the environment； people。 So break out the Bliss lemon…and…sage body wash and lather up。
？GG
Q：Dear GG；
My boyfriend is leaving for college soon； and I？m heartbroken。 I？m only a junior； so I have
another year to hang around； waiting to graduate； and I？m worried that he？ll be tempted by all
those college girls。 Do long…distance relationships really work？ ？Left Behind
A：Dear LB；
In my experience； long…distance relationships are dicey？even if you only live across the park
from one another。 If that？s got you down； here？s my Rx： go to your kitchen and find some Godiva
cocoa powder （you may have to dig around in back for the good stuff？the cook always tries to
hide it）； and whip yourself up an iced hot chocolate。 Sip it while sitting at your iBook。
Look？you？re multitasking！ Don？t you feel better already？ Now go to eLUXURY。 and buy
yourself something fabulous。 When that？s done； cruise all the cute guys on Facebook and
MySpace and send the ones you like best some cleverly flirtatious e…mails。 By the time the
weekend es； you？ll have a bunch of hot dates at your beck and call？and an even hotter outfit
to wear！ Trust me； by Sunday you？ll barely remember College Boy？s name。 ？GG
Q：Dear Mme。 Gossip Girl；
My darling son has recently had a sexual awakening and is ing to terms with his long…latent
homosexuality。 After