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once； as a sharp disavowal of adherence with Dorothy's
views。
The situation was almost ridiculous。
〃But do you love him？〃 asked Dorothy。
〃It isn't a question of loving him；〃 said Ursula。 〃I love him
well enough……certainly more than I love anybody else in the
world。 And I shall never love anybody else the same again。 We
have had the flower of each other。 But I don't care about love。
I don't value it。 I don't care whether I love or whether I
don't； whether I have love or whether I haven't。 What is it to
me？〃
And she shrugged her shoulders in fierce； angry contempt。
Dorothy pondered； rather angry and afraid。
〃Then what do you care about？〃 she asked；
exasperated。
〃I don't know；〃 said Ursula。 〃But something impersonal。
Love……love……love……what does it mean……what
does it amount to？ So much personal gratification。 It doesn't
lead anywhere。〃
〃It isn't supposed to lead anywhere； is it？〃 said Dorothy；
satirically。 〃I thought it was the one thing which is an end in
itself。〃
〃Then what does it matter to me？〃 cried Ursula。 〃As an end in
itself； I could love a hundred men； one after the other。 Why
should I end with a Skrebensky？ Why should I not go on； and love
all the types I fancy； one after another； if love is an end in
itself？ There are plenty of men who aren't Anton； whom I could
love……whom I would like to love。〃
〃Then you don't love him；〃 said Dorothy。
〃I tell you I do；……quite as much； and perhaps more than
I should love any of the others。 Only there are plenty of things
that aren't in Anton that I would love in the other men。〃
〃What； for instance？〃
〃It doesn't matter。 But a sort of strong understanding； in
some men； and then a dignity； a directness； something
unquestioned that there is in working men； and then a jolly；
reckless passionateness that you see……a man who could
really let go〃
Dorothy could feel that Ursula was already hankering after
something else； something that this man did not give her。
〃The question is； what do you want；〃 propounded
Dorothy。 〃Is it just other men？〃
Ursula was silenced。 This was her own dread。 Was she just
promiscuous？
〃Because if it is；〃 continued Dorothy； 〃you'd better marry
Anton。 The other can only end badly。〃
So out of fear of herself Ursula was to marry Skrebensky。
He was very busy now； preparing to go to India。 He must visit
relatives and contract business。 He was almost sure of Ursula
now。 She seemed to have given in。 And he seemed to bee again
an important； self…assured man。
It was the first week in August； and he was one of a large
party in a bungalow on the Lincolnshire coast。 It was a tennis；
golf； motor…car； motor…boat party； given by his great…aunt； a
lady of social pretensions。 Ursula was invited to spend the week
with the party。
She went rather reluctantly。 Her marriage was more or less
fixed for the twenty…eighth of the month。 They were to sail for
India on September the fifth。 One thing she knew； in her
subconsciousness； and that was； she would never sail for
India。
She and Anton； being important guests on account of the
ing marriage； had rooms in the large bungalow。 It was a big
place； with a great central hall； two smaller writing…rooms； and
then two corridors from which opened eight or nine bedrooms。
Skrebensky was put on one corridor； Ursula on the other。 They
felt very lost； in the crowd。
Being lovers； however； they were allowed to be out alone
together as much as they liked。 Yet she felt very strange； in
this crowd of strange people； uneasy； as if she had no privacy。
She was not used to these homogeneous crowds。 She was
afraid。
She felt different from the rest of them； with their hard；
easy； shallow intimacy； that seemed to cost them so little。 She
felt she was not pronounced enough。 It was a kind of
hold…your…own unconventional atmosphere。
She did not like it。 In crowds； in assemblies of people； she
liked formality。 She felt she did not produce the right effect。
She was not effective： she was not beautiful： she was nothing。
Even before Skrebensky she felt unimportant； almost inferior。 He
could take his part very well with the rest。
He and she went out into the night。 There was a moon behind
clouds； shedding a diffused light； gleaming now and again in
bits of smoky mother…of…pearl。 So they walked together on the
wet； ribbed sands near the sea； hearing the run of the long；
heavy waves； that made a ghostly whiteness and a whisper。
He was sure of himself。 As she walked； the soft silk of her
dress……she wore a blue shantung； full…skirted……blew
away from the sea and flapped and clung to her legs。 She wished
it would not。 Everything seemed to give her away； and she could
not rouse herself to deny； she was so confused。
He would lead her away to a pocket in the sand…hills； secret
amid the grey thorn…bushes and the grey； glassy grass。 He held
her close against him； felt all her firm； unutterably desirable
mould of body through the fine fibre of the silk that fell about
her limbs。 The silk； slipping fierily on the hidden； yet
revealed roundness and firmness of her body； her loins； seemed
to run in him like fire； make his brain burn like brimstone。 She
liked it； the electric fire of the silk under his hands upon her
limbs； the fire flew over her； as he drew nearer and nearer to
discovery。 She vibrated like a jet of electric； firm fluid in
response。 Yet she did not feel beautiful。 All the time； she felt
she was not beautiful to him； only exciting。 ＇She let him take her；
and he seemed mad； mad with excited passion。 But she； as she lay
afterwards on the cold； soft sand； looking up at the blotted；
faintly luminous sky； felt that she was as cold now as she
had been before。 Yet he； breathing heavily； seemed almost savagely
satisfied。 He seemed revenged。
A little wind wafted the sea grass and passed over her face。 Where was the
supreme fulfilment she would never enjoy？ Why was she so cold； so
unroused； so indifferent？
As they went home； and she saw the many； hateful lights of the bungalow；
of several bungalows in a group； he said softly：
〃Don't lock your door。〃
〃I'd rather； here；〃 she said。
〃No； don't。 We belong to each other。 Don't let us deny it。〃
She did not answer。 He took her silence for consent。
He shared his room with another man。
〃I suppose；〃 he said； 〃it won't alarm the house if I go across to happier
regions。〃
〃So long as you don't make a great row going； and don't try the wrong
door；〃 said the other man； turning in to sleep。
Skrebensky went out in his wide…striped sleeping suit。 He crossed the big
dining hall； whose low firelight smelled of cigars and whisky and coffee；
entered the other corridor and found Ursula's room。 She was lying awake；
wide…eyed and suffering。 She was glad he had e； if only for
consolation。 It was consolation to be held in his arms； to feel his body
against hers。 Yet how foreign his arms and body were！ Yet still； not so
horribly foreign and hostile as the rest of the house felt to her。
She did not know how she suffered in this house。 She was
healthy and exorbitantly full of interest。 So she played tennis
and learned golf； she rowed out and swam in the deep sea； and
enjoyed it very much indeed； full of zest。 Yet all the time；
among those others； she felt shocked and wincing； as if her
violently…sensitive nakedness were exposed to the hard； brutal；
material impact of the rest of the people。
The days went by unmarked； in a full； almost strenuous
enjoyment of one's own physique。 Skrebensky was one among the
others； till evening came； and he took her for himself。 She was
allowed a great deal of freedom and was treated with a good deal
of respect； as a girl on the eve of marriage； about to depart
for another continent。
The trouble began at evening。 Then a yearning for something
unknown came over her； a passion for something she knew not
what。 She would walk the foreshore alone after dusk； expecting；
expecting something； as if she had gone to a rendezvous。 The
salt； bitter passion of the sea； its indifference to the earth；
its swinging； definite motion； its strength； its attack； and its
salt burning； seemed to provoke her to a pitch of madness；
tantalizing her with vast suggestions of fulfilment。 And then；
for personification； would e Skrebensky； Skrebensky； whom she
knew； whom she was fond of； who was attractive； but whose soul
could not contain her in its waves of strength； nor his breast
pel her in burning； salty passion。
One evening they went out after dinner； across the low golf
links to the dunes and the sea。 The sky had small； faint stars；
all was still and faintly dark。 They walked together in silence；
then ploughed； labouring； through the heavy loose sand of the
gap between the dunes。 They went in silence under the even；
faint darkness； in the darker shadow of the sandhills。
Suddenly； cresting the heavy； sandy pass； Ursula lifted her
head； and shrank back； momentarily frightened。 There was a great
whiteness confronting her； the moon was incandescent as a round
furnace door； out of which came the high blast of moonlight；
over the seaward half of the world； a dazzling； terrifying glare
of white light。 They shrank back for a moment