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never actually hated him before。
“That’s okay； I wouldn’t want to do it with you anyway；” Chuck
sneered。 “I hear you have diseases。”
“Get away from me；” Serena hissed； putting her hands on his chest
and shoving him away。 She slammed the cab door shut in his face；
and gave the driver her address。
As the cab pulled away； Serena hugged herself； staring straight
ahead through the rain…spattered windshield。 When the taxi stopped
at a light on the corner of Broadway and Spring； she opened the
door； leaned out； and threw up into the gutter。
That will teach her not to drink on an empty stomach。
Chuck’s scarf swung from her neck and dangled in the puddle of
pink vomit on the pavement。 Serena pulled the scarf off； wiped her
mouth on it； and stuffed it into her bag。
“Gross；” she said； slamming the cab door closed again。
“Tissue； miss？” the cab driver offered； passing a box of Kleenex
back to her。
Serena pulled one from the box and wiped her mouth with it。
“Thanks；” she said。
Then she sat back in the seat and closed her eyes； grateful； as
always； for the kindness of strangers。
“What about a condom or something？” Blair murmured； gaping at
Nate’s hard…on。 It looked like it was going to take over the world。
She had managed to get all of his clothes off； and now they were
lying down on her bed on top of the covers。 They’d been fooling
around for almost an hour。 On the stereo； the Jennifer Lopez song
“Love Don’t Cost a Thing” was playing； and Blair was getting hotter
and hotter。 She reached for Nate’s hand and licked his fingers；
sucking greedily on the tip of each one。 She had a feeling sex was
going to be even better than food。
Nate rolled onto his back while Blair sucked his fingers。 He had been
so uptight about seeing Blair that he hadn’t eaten dinner； and now
he was feeling hungry。 Maybe when he went home he’d pick up a
burrito from the Mexican place on Lexington Avenue。 That’s what he
wanted； a chicken and black bean burrito with extra guacamole。
Blair bit down hard on his pinky。
“Ow；” Nate said； his hard…on deflating as if it had been pricked with
a pin。 He sat up and ran his hands through his hair。 “I can’t do this；”
he muttered under his breath。
“What？” Blair said； sitting up too。 “What’s wrong？” Her heart fell。
This wasn’t in the script。 Nate was ruining a perfect moment。
Clumsily； Nate took Blair’s hand and looked into her eyes for the
first time all night。 “I have to tell you something；” he said。 “I can’t
do this without you knowing。 I feel like an asshole。”
Blair could tell by the look in Nate’s eyes that the moment wasn’t
just ruined； it was killed。 “What？” she said softly。
Nate reached down and gathered up the edges of the quilt。 He
draped one end around Blair’s shoulders and wrapped the other end
around his waist。 It didn’t seem right to talk about this when they
were both so naked。 He took Blair’s hand again。
“Remember the summer before last when you were away in
Scotland； at your aunt’s wedding？” Nate began。
Blair nodded。
“It was so friggin’ hot that summer。 I was in the city with my Dad；
just hanging out while he went to some meetings and stuff。 I got
bored； so I called Serena in Ridgefield； and she came down。” Nate
noticed Blair’s back stiffen when he mentioned Serena’s name。 She
removed her hand from his and crossed her arms over her chest；
her eyes suddenly distrustful。
“We had some drinks and sat out in the garden。 It was so hot；
Serena started splashing around in the fountain； and then she
started splashing me。 And I guess I got kind of carried away。 I mean
—” Nate fumbled。 He remembered what Cyrus had told him about
girls liking surprises。 Well； Blair was about to be very surprised； and
he didn’t think she was going to like it one bit。
“And what？” Blair demanded。 “What happened？”
“We kissed；” Nate said。 He took a deep breath and held it。 He
couldn’t just leave it at that。 He blew the breath out。 “And then we
had sex。”
Blair threw the quilt off her shoulders and stood up。 “I knew it！” she
shouted。 “Who hasn’t had sex with Serena？ That nasty； slutty
bitch！”
“I’m sorry； Blair。 But it wasn’t like； planned or anything；” Nate said。
“It just happened。 And it was only that one time； promise。 I just
didn’t want you to think this was my first time； when it wasn’t。 I had
to tell you。”
Blair stomped into her bathroom and snatched her pink satin
bathrobe off its hook。 She put it on； cinching the belt tight。 “Get the
fuck out of here； Nate；” she said； angry tears sluicing her cheeks。 “I
can’t even look at you。 You’re pathetic。”
“Blair—” Nate pleaded。 For a split second he tried to think of
something charming to say。 He could usually think of something；
but nothing came。
Blair slammed the bathroom door shut in his face。
Nate stood up and pulled on his boxers。 Kitty Minky poked her head
out from under the bed and stared at him accusingly； her golden cat
eyes glowing eerily in the dark。 Nate grabbed his jeans； shirt； and
shoes and headed for the front door。 He could hardly wait for that
burrito。
The front door closed with a hollow bang； but Blair remained locked
in the bathroom； standing in front of the mirror glaring at her tear…
stained reflection。 The tube of Serena’s lip gloss was still lying on
the sink where she had left it。 Blair picked it up with trembling
fingers。 Gash； it was called。 What an ugly name。 Of course Serena
could wear lip gloss with ugly names； and tights with holes in them；
and dirty old shoes； and never cut her hair； and still get the boy。
Blair grunted at the irony of it all and opened her bathroom window；
tossing the lip gloss out into the night and waiting to hear it land on
the pavement below。 But she couldn’t hear a thing。
Her head was too full of the new movie she was working on。 The
movie in which the fabulous Serena van der Woodsen was run over
by a bus with her stupid picture plastered to the side of it and was
horribly maimed。 Her old friend Blair would take time out from her
busy life with her doting husband； Nate； to feed Elephant Girl
Serena mashed pears and tell her all about the parties she and Nate
had been to。 Serena would grunt and fart in response； but
charitable Blair wouldn’t mind。 It was the least she could do。
Everyone would call her Saint Blair； and she would win awards for
her golden heart。
Just before midnight； the taxi pulled up at 994 Fifth Avenue。 Across
the street； the steps of the Metropolitan Museum of Art were
deserted； glowing eerily white in the light of the streetlamps。
Serena stepped out of the cab and waved to Roland； the old night
doorman； who was dozing just inside the lobby。 The door to the
apartment building opened； but it wasn’t Roland who opened it。 It
was Nate。
“Nate！” Serena squealed； genuinely surprised。 “Hey； could you loan
me five bucks？ I haven’t got enough cash。 Usually the doorman
helps me out； but I guess he’s asleep。”
Nate pulled a wad of bills out of his pocket and gave some to the
taxi driver。 He put his finger to his lips and crept up to the front door
of the building。 Then he knocked loudly on the glass door。 “Hello？”
he shouted。
“Oh； Nate；” Serena laughed。 “You are so mean！”
Roland snapped his eyes open and nearly fell off his chair。 Then he
opened the door for them； and Serena and Nate ran inside and rode
the elevator up to Serena’s apartment。
Serena led the way to her room and sat down heavily on the bed。
“Did you get my message？” she yawned at Nate； pulling off her
boots。 “I thought you’d e out tonight。”
“I couldn’t；” Nate said。 He picked up the little glass ballerina
perched on top of Serena’s mahogany jewelry chest。 She had the
tiniest toes； like little pinpoints。 He’d forgotten about her。
“Well； it wasn’t worth it anyway；” Serena sighed。 She lay down on
the bed。 “I am so tired；” she said。 She patted the bed next to her
and slid over to give Nate room。 “e lie down and tell me a
bedtime story？”
Nate put the ballerina down and swallowed。 Breathing in the scent
of Serena’s room with Serena in it made his heart hurt。 He lay down
next to her； their bodies touching。 Nate put his arm around Serena
and she kissed his cheek； snuggling in close。
“I was just over at Blair’s；” Nate said。
But Serena didn’t answer。 She was breathing steadily。 Maybe she
was already asleep。
Nate lay still； with his eyes open wide； his mind racing。 He
wondered if he and Blair were officially broken up now。 He wondered
if he kissed Serena right now； full on the lips and told her he loved
her； how she’d respond。 He wondered if he’d just gone ahead and
had sex with Blair if everything would have been all right。
Nate cast his eyes around the room； taking in all the familiar well…
loved objects that he’d grown up seeing and forgotten all about。
The kilt…wearing teddy bear from Scotland that sat aristocratically
on Serena’s little dressing table。 The big mahogany armoire with its
drawers half open and all her clothes spilling out of it。 The