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ABC Amber LIT Converter v2。02
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Disclaimer： All the real names of places； people； and events have been altered or abbreviated to
protect the innocent。 Namely； me。
hey people！
The least painful way to say good…bye
Sad but true； the reality of Valentine？s Day is that it makes demands on relationships that those
relationships may not be able to handle。 What do you do when you both know it？s over and you
just want to move on so you can start maxing out your credit cards on presents for yourself instead
of for someone else？ In my vast experience with painless breakups； the less you say the better。
Don？t hash things out。 A simple gesture means so much more。 An invitation to do something ？with
the gang？ instead of alone together。 A tender kiss on the cheek。 A good…bye wave。 And don？t you
dare return any gifts。 They？re yours！ Keep ？em。
One thing you may not have realized about me
Iam real。 That means I have a birthday。 Next Monday I turn eighteen and I？m having a party and
you？re all invited。 I know what you？re thinking； it？sMonday 。 But really； what else have you got
to do on a Monday night？ Your Latin homework？ A do…it…yourself facial？ Plus； the week willfly by
afterwards； I promise。
When？Monday； 9P。M。 till dawn。
Where？Gnome。 Don？t worry if you？ve never heard of it。 No one has。 It？s a brand…spanking…new
club on Bond Street celebrating its opening night with my party。 Isn？t that sweet？
What to bring？Yourself； your most beautiful friends； and of course；a present ！
Sightings
Babsent from school for the second day in a row。D waiting around in the lobby of thePlaza Hotel
looking nervous in his spiffy new Agn？s B。 suit。S at theLes Best atelier trying on a gorgeous
sunflower yellow dress for a photo shoot。J riding the Seventy…ninth Street crosstown bus back and
forth through the park forhours 。A playing guitar on the train back from Scarsdale； where he？s
been hiding out for days。N jogging around Central Park？so much clean living gives a boy energy！
Your e…mail
Q：？ ？ Dear Gossip Girl；
I kissed a girl （I？m a girl too） but I didn？t mean anything by it。 Actually； there？s a boy I like。
What should I say to this girl without hurting her feelings； because she？s my friend？
？doubletrouble
A：？ ？ Dear double；
I？ve never been a big believer in the theory that kissing someone is a promise you won？t kiss
anyone else。 Kissing is fun。 Why limit yourself to just one kissee？ The trick is telling the person
you？re just having fun； you？re not planning to get married or anything。
BTW； it？s best to do thisbefore you kiss them； not after。
？GG
Q：？ ？ Dear GG；
I？m stuck in rehab and I？m allowed to log onto the Web but certain e…mail accounts are blocked
so I can？t send a message to this boy I？m hung up on and miss so much。 He even sent me roses！
Luckily I can get on your site so I can tell the world that I？m in love。 Maybe when I get out of
here we can have a drink to celebrate。 It？s on me。
？rehab babe
A：？ ？ Dear babe；
Instead of us having a drink when you get out； you should start a site of your own。 Or write a
book。 Just a suggestion。
？GG
Don？t forget my party？wish list to e！
You know you love me。
gossip girl
lifestyles of the rich and famous
Wednesday after school Dan stood in the lobby of the Plaza Hotel； fiddling with the collar of his
new black Agn？s B。 suit jacket and clutching the small red leather…bound book Mystery had given
him for Valentine？s Day。 He？d been to the Plaza only once before； when he and Vanessa had been
in Central Park filming ice skaters and she？d had to use the bathroom。 Even in his fancy new suit
he felt out of place in such sumptuous surroundings。
He？d better get used to it。 After all； he was about to bee a very famous author who had tea
with his agent in fancy hotels on a regular basis。
Pauper in a mirrored castle；he thought； forming the beginnings of a poem。
？Daniel！？ Dan heard Rusty Klein shout from across the room。 This time she was wearing her red
wig in fat braids on either side of her head； and her immense； six…foot…plus frame was cloaked in
an unusual black Japanese geisha robe dotted with tiny white flowers and paired with tall； black
suede stiletto boots？as if she wasn？t already tall enough。 Mystery stood at her side looking like a
starved ghost in a tattered plum…colored wrap dress and worn brown leather boots。 Her collarbone
stuck out from her skinny frame like an airplane wing； and her lips were so chapped； they were
pletely white。
Skeleton princess drifts out on a ray of dust。
？Hey；？ Dan greeted them casually； as if he always hung out at the Plaza after school。 Inside his
white Agn？s B。 shirt the silver gravity pen Mystery had given him beat against his pale
chest。 ？Thank you for the gifts。？
Rusty swept him up in a big bear hug； suffocating him with her rank oily…fish perfume and
smudging his cheek with orangey…pink lipstick。 ？Mystery and I hadtoo much fun shopping for you；
darling！ We had toforce ourselves to stop。？
Mystery ran her tongue over her yellow teeth。 ？We？ve been drinking martinis and deconstructing
Kafka like two old ninnies；？ she croaked； sounding drunk and looking like she hadn？t slept in
weeks。 She blinked her sleepy gray eyes。 ？Now that you？re here I can eat。 You starve me。？
Bones draped in moth wings sewn with cobwebs。
？This way；？ Rusty chortled； ignoring Mystery？s odd pronouncement。 She ushered them through
the immense lobby and into a large tearoom full of gilded mirrors； tinkling crystal； and overly
perfumed ladies with freshly blown…out hair。 The round； white…clothed table had been laid with a
silver tea service and a three…tiered silver tray covered with freshly baked scones； pots of
homemade jam； and tiny cucumber sandwiches with the crusts cut off。 Two half…empty martini
glasses stood on the table； ready to be polished off。
？We？ve been having a little party to celebrate Mystery？s debut；？ Rusty explained merrily。 She sat
down and tossed back the remains of her drink。
The queen of poesy gives a tempting tug。
Dan sat down next to her and put his red leather book on the table。 ？What debut？？
Rusty grabbed a blueberry scone and slathered it with butter； shoving the whole thing into her
enormous orangey…pink mouth； where it disappeared instantly。 ？Good； you brought your
observations book。 Have you been writing everything down？ Remember； nothing is
inconsequential！？ She winked at Mystery。 ？Who knows？ It could all add up to a book！？
Mystery giggled and glanced at Dan。 ？I finished my novel；？ she confided huskily。
House on fire！ House on fire！
Dan rubbed his thumb over the tines of his fork； as he absorbed the information。 Mystery had
finished writing an entire novel in less than a week and all he？d done was write one crappy
Valentine？s Day poem for Vanessa。 He couldn？t even bear to read Vanessa？s response after he？d
sent the poem to her； that was how badly it sucked。
？But I thought you？d just started it；？ he said； feeling weirdly betrayed。
？I had。 But Sunday night I fell off the plateau and kept gathering momentum； and I just couldn？t
stop writing until I finished。 I e…mailed it to Rusty at dawn this morning； just as the street cleaners
were arriving。 She？s already read the whole thing。 She says I？m the next Virginia Woolf！？
？I thought you were the next Sylvia Plath；？ Dan accused grumpily。
Moth princess helps herself to stolen meat。
Mystery shrugged her thin shoulders and poured a heaping spoonful of sugar into her martini；
stirring it pensively before picking up the glass with both hands and taking a gulp。
？Anyhoo； let？s talk aboutyou Dannyboy；？ Rusty practically shouted。 ？Oh； fuck me。？ She pulled
her hot pink cell phone out of her purse； pushed a few buttons and held it up to her ear。 ？Hold on；
loves。 I have to call my messages。？
Dan waited； watching Mystery dunk so many spoonfuls of sugar into her drink that it looked less
like a martini and more like a slushy from 7…Eleven。 He hadn？t noticed before； but her gnarly；
gnawed…on fingernails were as yellow as her teeth。
Rusty tossed her cell phone into the middle of the table。 ？I think you should write a memoir；？ she
told Dan； reaching for another scone and breaking it in half。 ？Memoir of a Young Poet。 I love it！？
she shouted。 ？You？re the next Rilke！？
The queen of clowns pulls a pink rabbit out of her hair。
Dan tugged on the gravity pen。 He wanted to write down something about Mystery？s yellow
fingernails in his observation book and how surprising it was that he wasn？t turned off by them。 In
fact； they turned himon 。
？But how can I write a memoir when all I do is go to high school？？ he argued
miserably。 ？Nothing big has ever happened to me。？ He reached for the teapot with trembling
hands and poured warm； fragrant Earl Grey tea into his white teacup。 Ah；caffeine 。
Rusty tapped the cover of his observation book with her long； orangey…pink fingernails。 ？Small
things； darling。 Small things。 And you might want to think about putting off college and writing
for a year or two； just like Mys