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neighbors doodling corny hearts in math class。 But just because the world has turned into one
gigantic BEMINEcandy heart doesn？t mean we have to go around making promises we can？t keep。
Using theL word in intimate settings can be dangerous。 I prefer to use it more generally； as in；I
love you all 。 And I mean that； I really do！
Sightings
Nskulking downMadison Avenue with his hands in his coat pockets； looking uncharacteristically
tense and preoccupied。V andD kissing inShakespeare Books ； nearNYU ？aw； howcute 。B
atSigerson Morrison inNoHo； trying on pair of shoes in the store。S inFetch onBleecker Street ；
buying another irresistible doggie outfit for her favorite pooch。J and her new friend；E ； giggling in
the feminine…hygiene aisle at Duane Reade。 Ah； youth。 AndA ； stocking up on used reggae records
at a tiny unnamed shop on East Third Street。 He？s got to have something to listen to while he
blows off the rest of second semester。
Your e…mail
Q：？ ？ Dear GG；
I heard that dealer who used to work in the pizza place got busted by the NYPD and now he？s
doing time as a narc in the park； busting all his old customers。
？Dawg
A：？ ？ Dear Dawg；
That sounds like a bad TNT movie。 I just hope none of our friends end up starring in it。
？GG
Q：？ ？ Dear GossipG；
I totally forgot to tell you before； but I saw that little freshman with the giant boobs in the waiting
room of my cosmetic surgeon。
She was looking at a book calledCelebrity Breasts 。 I？m serious。 Like； totally choosing which
ones she was going to get。
？tattletail
A：？ ？ Dear tattle；
That？s all very interesting； but pray tail？I mean tell？why wereyou there？
？GG
As if you weren？t already excited enough 。 。 。
Now that the early admissions thing is over； we can focus on something truly important： Fashion
Week。 It starts this Friday； and all my favorite people will be there； including me。 See you in the
front row！
You know you love me。
gossip girl
scrawny westside poet has first taste of fame
On his way to Riverside Prep Tuesday morning； Dan stopped at the newsstand on Seventy…ninth
and Broadway to buy the Valentine？s Day issue ofThe New Yorker and a large black coffee that
tasted like it had been made three years ago？just the way he liked it。 The cover ofThe New Yorker
was an illustration of Noah？s Ark docked at a pier in New York Harbor； with the Statue of Liberty
looming in the background。 The wordsThe Love Boat were painted on the side of the ark； and all
of the animals lined up to board were holding hands and kissing and groping each other。 It was
pretty funny。 Dan stood on the corner and lit an unfiltered Camel with trembling fingers as he
turned back the cover and searched the table of contents for his poem。 There it was under Poems：
Daniel Humphrey； page forty…two； ？Sluts。？ He flipped to it； forgetting all about the burning
cigarette propped between his lips。 Page forty…two happened to be the ninth page of a
fourteen…page story by Gabriel Garcia Rhodes called ？Amor con los Gatos？？？Love with
Cats？？and right there； in the middle of the story； was Dan？s poem。
Wipe the sleep from my eyes and pour me another cup。
I see what you？ve been trying to tell me all along；
Shaving your head and handling me （so delicately）
With satin and lace：
You？re a whore。
It was freezing outside； but nervous sweat beaded on Dan？s eyelids； and his tongue was as dry as
firewood。 Dan spat the burning cigarette out onto the sidewalk and closed the magazine； tucking it
into his black messenger bag。 If he？d turned to the Contributors page； he would have seen the
entry：Daniel Humphrey （Poem； p。 42） is a high…school senior in New York City。 This is his first
published work。 But Dan couldn？t handle looking at the magazine for a moment longer； not when
thousands of people were right now browsing through it and stopping to read his brutal； angry
poem； which he honestly wasn？t sure was any good。 Dan walked down Broadway toward school；
his hands shaking crazily。 If only he could have pulled off some heist like sabotaging theThe New
Yorker ？s printing presses so they couldn？t print vowels anymore。 Then all the Valentine？s Day
issues would have been recalled from the newsstands late last night。
As if he could ever have pulledthat off。
？Yo； dude；？ Dan heard the familiar； conceited voice of his least…favorite Riverside Prep classmate
behind him。 Dan stopped walking and turned around to see Chuck Bass flipping his signature navy
blue monogrammed cashmere scarf over one shoulder and running his manicured fingers through
his brown…and…blond highlighted hair。 ？Nice poem inThe New Yorker ； man。？ He gave Dan a
congratulatory clap on the shoulder； his monogrammed pinky ring glittering in the winter
sunlight。 ？Who knew you were such a stud？？
Was there something distinctlygay about Chuck Bass these days？ Or perhaps not。 Just because
he？d gotten blond highlights and was wearing a slim； cream…colored wool coat by Ralph
Laurenand orange leather Prada sneakers didn？t mean he？d given up molesting defenseless；
drunken girls at parties。 Perhaps he was simply expressing himself。
There？s certainly nothing wrong with that。
？Thanks；？ Dan mumbled as he fiddled with the plastic top on his coffee cup。 He wondered if
Chuck was planning on walking all the way to school with him so they could discuss his poem。
But then Dan？s cell phone rang； saving him from having to answer Chuck？s inane questions about
how many chicks he？d bagged before writing the poem； or whatever Chuck Bass liked to talk
about on his way to school in the mornings。
Dan put the phone to his ear and Chuck clapped him on the shoulder again and kept walking。
？Hello？？
？Congratulations； Danielson！？ Rufus shouted into the phone。 His father never got out of bed
before eight o？clock； so this was the first time Dan had spoken to him all morning。 ？You？re the
real banana； the genuine article！The New Yorker ； the goddamnedNew Yorker ！？
Dan chuckled； feeling slightly ashamed。 Countless notebooks filled with his father？s odd；
disjointed poems were stashed in a dusty box in the broom closet。 Even though he was an editor of
lesser…known Beat poets； the truth was； Rufus had never actually been published。
？And you？ll never believe？；？ Rufus continued； but then his voice broke off。 Dan heard the toilet
flush in the background。 Typical。 His dad had been talking to him while he was in the can。
Dan gulped his coffee and picked up his pace； crossing Broadway and heading down
Seventy…seventh Street。 He was going to be late for first…period chemistry if he didn？t hurry up。
Not that that would be such a bad thing。 ？Dad？ You still there？？ he asked。
？Hold on； kid；？ Rufus replied distractedly。 ？I got my hands full here。？
Dan could picture his dad drying his hands on the frayed red towel hanging on the back of the
bathroom door and then pulling his rolled…up copy ofThe New Yorker out from under his hairy
arm so he could read Dan？s poem again。
？The deans of admissions from Brown and Columbia just called to tell me what a prodigy you
are；？ Rufus explained。 It sounded like his mouth was full of something； and Dan could hear water
running。 Was he brushing his teeth？ ？They were slobbering all over themselves； the greedy
bastards。？
？Brown and Columbia？ Really？？ Dan repeated in disbelief。 Ahead of him the sidewalk；
shopfronts； and pedestrians suddenly all blurred together into a slow…moving； oceanic mass。 ？Are
you sure it was them？ Columbia and Brown？？
？As sure as my piss is still yellow；？ Rufus answered blithely。
Usually Dan blanched at his father？s crudeness； but right now he was too preoccupied with his
own success。 Maybe being a published poet wouldn？t be such a bad thing after all。 Ahead of him
the black metal doors of Riverside Prep？s upper…school entrance loomed before him。 ？Hey Dad； I
have to get to class； but thanks for calling。 Thank you foreverything ；？ he gushed with a rush of
affection for his belligerent old dad。
？That？s all right； kid。 Don？t let this go to your head； though；？ Rufus joked； unable to hide the
pride in his gruff voice。 ？Remember； poets are a humble bunch。？
？I？ll remember；？ Dan promised earnestly。 ？Thanks again； Dad。？
He clicked off and pushed open the school doors； waving to Aggie； the ancient front…desk
receptionist who wore a different wig every day of the week； as he signed in。 His cell phone
beeped and he realized he？d missed a call while he？d been talking to his father。 Cell phones were
forbidden during school hours； but first period had already begun and the halls were empty。
Trudging up the concrete stairs on the way to the chemistry lab； he called his voice…mail。
？Daniel Humphrey； this is Rusty Klein from Klein； Lowenstein & Schutt。 I read your poem
inThe New Yorker and； assuming you don？t have an agent yet； I？m going to represent you。 I？ve
got you on the guest list for the Better Than Naked show Friday night。 Let？s talk then。 You may
not know it yet； but you？re hot shit； Daniel。 The public needs a serious young poet to make them
feel worthle