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(HP同人)[HP同人]一九四三-第36章

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But they were late tonight; so I went up to the nursery myself。 Not surprisingly; Charles had wetted the bed and was howling for nothing at all。 Eleanor was sitting on the floor drawing while Melinda; the stern looking fiveyearold; was sitting elegantly at her stool with a broomstick picture book on her lap。但是今晚他们迟到了,于是我自己上楼去了育儿室。不出所料,查尔斯尿床了,并且不知道为了什么在嚎叫不休。埃莉诺坐在地板上画画,而梅琳达,那个表情严肃的五岁女孩,正优雅地坐在她的高脚蹬上,膝头放着一本扫帚分类的图画书。
“I am so; so sorry; Mrs。 Stuart;” Nanny fretted; “Young master was upset and I don’t know why。”“我真是太抱歉了,斯图亚特夫人,”奶妈皱着眉头说,“小少爷在闹脾气,我真弄不懂他。”
I took the struggling little man from his cradle and held him close to my chest。我把这个吵闹不休的小人儿从摇篮里抱起来,紧紧抱在胸前。
“Is he hungry” I asked。 “他是不是饿了?”我问。
“I milked master Charles half an hour ago。” Nanny said; the nurse walked in; also looking nervous and leftfooted。 “我半小时前才给查尔斯少爷喂过奶。”奶妈说。这时候护士走了进来,看起来紧张兮兮,手足无措。
Poor Charles; I thought; he was never a sensible child like Melinda was。可怜的查尔斯,我心想,这孩子从来都不想梅琳达那么让人省心。
“It’s alright。” I said gently; “He just doesn’t feel safe。 That’s all。 Carey; could you fetch Melinda her angora cape And pass me the woolen blanket; if you please。” “没关系,”我温和地说,“他只是缺乏安全感而已。凯芮,把梅琳达的兔毛斗篷拿给她。再麻烦把那条羊毛毯子递给我,好吗?”
Carey; the Scottish nanny; looking rather worried: “Are you taking young mistress and master to the moor for a walk; Mrs。 Stuart” 我们的苏格兰奶妈凯芮看起来有些担心:“斯图亚特夫人,你要带小姐和少爷去荒原上散步吗?”
“Don’t worry;” I said; “You haven’t dined yet; have you Go down to the kitchen and the house elves will warm you some soup。 I’ll bring the children back to bed in half an hour。” “别担心。”我说,“你还没吃晚饭吧?你先去厨房,家养小精灵会给你热一些汤,半小时后我把孩子们带回来睡觉。” 
“Thank you; Mrs。 Stuart。” Carey said gratefully; and hurried away。 The two children must have worn her down。 Maybe I should talk to Francis hire another nanny to look after Melinda and spare her workload。 He would not have any objections。 “谢谢你,斯图亚特夫人。”凯芮感激地说;匆忙走开了。这两个孩子一定让她累坏了。也许我应该和弗朗西斯说一下,再雇一个奶妈来专门照顾梅琳达,以分担玛丽的工作。他不会有异议的。
I held Charles in one arm and had Melinda and Eleanor following me; walked to the moonlit terrace in the north wing facing the cliff and the sea。我抱着查尔斯,带着梅琳达和埃莉诺,走到北厢房面朝大海和礁石的露台上。
It was so quiet up here。 The cool summer night’s breeze swirled through the terrace with clear; spicy scent of hyacinth in the southern valley; the aroma of pine needles down from the trench; and the salty smell of the seawater。 For a while; we could hear nothing but the rhymed swoosh as the tides swirled up and down the rocks on the cliff; and Charles calmed down gradually in my cuddle。这上面可真安静啊。夏日凉爽的晚风吹过露台,带着南面山谷里风信子辛辣的花香,低地里河谷那边松针的清香以及海湾里咸咸海水的味道。有好一会儿,除了潮水涌上悬崖上的礁石,又退下去的有节奏地哗哗声,我们听不到其他的任何声音。查尔斯在我怀里渐渐安静了下来。
I spoke to my children as the lights from the stars and the tall tower on the other side of the bay shimmered in the dark; misty tributary。星光和海湾另一侧的灯塔的光芒洒落在雾气弥漫的黑暗支流上时,我轻轻地和我的孩子们说着话。
“When you close you eyes and try to sleep in your cozy tiny beds; imagine the gentle waves and the twinkling light of the stars。 The sea is infinite; massive; tolerant and silent; just like the mysterious origin of your lives。 The sea is your cradle; and the Milky Way is your roof…” My voice faded as my mind drifted somewhere far into my own childhood。 Something dark and yet tempting; unspeakable and yet revealed everything; had lured me into that abundant darkness deep in the moors of my memory; again and again; over and over; until I tumbled and bled; and I was still driven by that impenetrable; twisted devil inside me who craved; begged; and howled for a scarlet; burning wild rose I once possessed。 “当你躺在舒适的小床里,闭上眼睛想要入眠之时,想象一下温柔的海浪和闪烁的星光。大海一望无垠,有容乃大,静默无声,就好像是你们生命的神秘之源。大海就是你们的摇篮,银河就是你们的屋檐……”随着我的思绪飘往了我自己的童年深处,我的声音渐渐低了下去,消失了。在我的记忆里,有一种存在,黑暗而又充满诱惑,缄默却又道出了一切,反反复复,一次又一次地把我诱引到了记忆荒原的茫茫黑暗中去。直到我在黑暗中跌倒流血,我心里的那个不可理喻、扭曲的魔鬼依旧固执地驱使着我,渴望着,乞求着,哀嚎着要一朵我曾经拥有过的猩红色的火热的野玫瑰。
“Elizabeth” Melinda said quietly; “Can you sing me the song again” “伊丽莎白?” 梅琳达静静地说,“你能再唱一遍那首歌给我听吗?”
I beamed at her。 “Sure。” I said。我对她笑了笑。 “当然可以。”我说。
“Should auld acquaintance be fot;
and never brought to mind
Should auld acquaintance be fot;
for the sake of auld lang syne。
If you ever change your mind;
but I living; living me behind;
Oh bring it to me; bring me your sweet loving;
bring it home to me。
bring it home to me。”
Everyone fell into silence in the peaceful song and evening breeze。 My voice kept swirling around gently and my mind drifted away。 While I was singing I couldn’t help thinking about the story I read a long time ago called “The Nightingale and the Rose” 在平静的歌声和晚风中,我们都安静了下来。我的声音在温柔地回荡,我的思维却飘荡到了别处。我一边唱着歌,一边忍不住想起了很久以前我读过的一个叫做《夜莺与蔷薇》的故事。
A nightingale fell in love with a young man; but the young man was desperate for a red rose so that he could take his beloved girl to the ball。 To fulfill the young man’s wish; the nightingale pressed her chest to the thorn of a rose tree; and sang all night long till the moon became pale in the western sky。 Before the dawn broke; the thorn pierced through her heart; and with the wild pain; her bloodthe blood of the deepest; divine and doomed loveran into the rose bud and gave the petals the most stunning crimson ever。一只夜莺爱上了一个年轻人。年轻人非常想要一朵红玫瑰,这样他就可以带他心爱的姑娘去参加舞会了。为了完成年轻人的梦想,夜莺把自己的胸脯按在玫瑰树的荆棘上,在月光中唱了一晚的歌。破晓时分,玫瑰树的荆棘刺穿了她的心脏,她的血液——那充满最深沉、最神圣、注定没有结果的爱的血液——涌入了苍白的玫瑰花蕾,给予了花瓣最为惊叹的深红的颜色。
But when the man picked the rose and went to woo the girl; she went to the ball with a rich man who gave her pricey jewelries。 The young man tossed the crimson rose to the road; and the rose was run over by a carriage; and swirled to the filthy drain。可是,当年轻人摘下玫瑰花去找他心爱的姑娘时,姑娘已经和一个送给她名贵珠宝的男人走了。于是,年轻人把玫瑰花扔在马路上。四轮马车碾过花瓣,花朵被扫落到肮脏污秽的水沟里去了。
Every time I sang “Auld Lang Sang” to my children; the sharp thorn of my buried love pierced through my heart; and let the blood taint my soul。每次当我给孩子们唱这首歌时,我那死去的爱情就成了一根尖锐的刺,一次次地穿透我的心脏,让血液浸染了我的灵魂。
When I look back; I’ve got the funny feeling that I have lived long enough; and I’ve loved and hated enough。 All I wished to have was a peaceful life in the countryside with my children; and hoped that they could lead a better life than I ever had。当我回首往事,我会产生一种奇怪的感觉,好像我已经活得够久的了,我已经爱得够多,也恨得够多了。我唯望平静地活着,在乡村带着我的孩子们,期冀着他们的人生可以比我好。
I want Melinda to be a pretty little fool; end up with a man who loves her more than she loves him so that she won’t love any man deep enough to hurt her。 I hope Charles turns out to be a brave and careless lad; and could understand something that I wasn’t able to prehendlet it go when you can’t have it。 You could still be happy。我希望梅琳达成为一个美丽的小傻瓜,去找一个爱她胜于她爱他的男人,这样她就不会为情所伤。我希望查尔斯变成一个勇敢而粗心的小伙子,懂得一些我不曾明白的道理——当你得不到一些东西的时候,就随它去吧。你还是可以活得很幸福。
Love is good。 But don’t let it go too far; or its flame would consume you。爱情是个好东西,但是一旦过了头,它的火焰就会吞噬你自己。
Becca once asked me: “Do you love Mr。 Stuart at all”贝卡有一回问过我:“你到底爱不爱斯图亚特先生?”
I asked plainly: “Yes; I do。 Any way; I love him enough to endure the rest of my godforsaken life with 
him。”我平淡地回答:“爱。反正,我对他的爱足够我跟他凑合在一起,忍受完我这被上帝遗弃的下半辈子了。”
作者有话要说:


☆、永不凋零的山茶花

1955年,埃莉诺和梅琳达已经都去霍格沃兹上学了。埃莉诺二年级,梅琳达一年级。和她们的父亲一样,她们都在格兰芬多学院。
开学那天,我和弗朗西斯把两个女孩子送到国王十字车站。站台上弥漫着白色的蒸汽,我们挥着手,直到那红色的列车消失在拐弯处。
“我一直觉得,没有和你在霍格沃兹一起读书是一个很大的遗憾。”弗朗西斯突然说。
我笑了笑,说:“我进学校的那年,正好你毕业。”
他恩了一声,双手插在黑色呢绒大衣的口袋里,神色平静地看着前方。我看着他的侧脸,觉得他脸上的线条比从前温存了很多。也许我自己也是呢,这么多年下来,那些自以为是的心气,早就被消磨地差不多了。也许,我也是最终到了和人生握手言和的时候了。
送完孩子们他就去部里了。我在回家前去了一趟爱丁堡,收拾一下我的公寓。这
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